Sheffield United 0-8 Newcastle: Eight different scorers for the Magpies, as Eddie Howe’s side tear apart the Blades to pile more pressure on Paul Heckingbottom

If this was junior football, Sheffield United would have finished with all of their substitutes allowed on the pitch and the referee showing mercy by blowing for full-time long before Alexander Isak scored Newcastle’s eighth in the 87th minute.

In fact, the home defending would not have been out of place in a kids’ game. Blades boss Paul Heckingbottom will do well to survive this. The only thing his side did with any vigour in the second half was wave their white flag. They have one point from six and are bottom of the table.

Fortunately for Heckingbottom, there weren’t many home fans left to boo him and his team come the end. Those supporters who ran for the exits quicker than any of their players had moved could well be hoping for a partial ground closure next time out, for the authorities will investigate a bottle which struck Elliot Anderson following Newcastle’s third goal.

Eddie Howe, meanwhile, can relax a little now. He admitted a recent run of three straight defeats had unsettled him and, while this week began with a 1-0 home win over Brentford and a goalless draw in Milan in the Champions League, questions remained over their performance, especially in attack. They found some answers here – eight of them, in fact.

Newcastle were devastating after taking a first-half lead and this equalled their biggest Premier League win. It was the blue half of Sheffield on the end of that skewering in 1999, when Alan Shearer scored five at St James’ Park. There was no such monopoly of the goals this time, as Newcastle returned eight different scorers.

Sheffield United boss Paul Heckingbottom will do well to survive this after their surrender

Dan Burn scored the second, although Sheffield United should have marked him better 

It seems a long time ago now, but Bramall Lane jeered referee Stuart Attwell as he made for the tunnel at half-time. They should have begun their show of derision 30 seconds earlier when their players made the same journey. It was not Attwell weak in the tackle for Sean Longstaff’s opener, and nor was he responsible for marking Dan Burn and Sven Botman for Newcastle’s second and third. Indeed, Attwell’s biggest mistake – compounded by VAR – was failing to award a penalty when the excellent Anthony Gordon was tripped by Jayden Bogle at 0-3.

Yes, each of Newcastle’s first-half goals required some forensic analysis when it came to determining the legitimacy of them, but Attwell and the officials got them right.

Before we do sift through them, it should be noted that Sheffield started well and would have led had Luke Thomas shown more composure when he was twice found unmarked at the far post. First, he fired into Kieran Trippier and then, on 14 minutes, the crowd. And so expired the home threat.

Longstaff swept Newcastle in front from Gordon’s pull-back on 21 minutes. The home gripe? Gordon handled as he rode John Egan’s weak challenge on the by-line. However, given it was accidental and did not lead directly to a goal – Gordon was not the scorer – the officials were correct in allowing it to stand.

Burn then spun clear at the far post to head in from Trippier’s corner on 31 minutes. Sheffield’s grievance this time? The ball hit Fabian Schar’s upper arm in the build-up to the flag-kick. Again, that was a 50-50 call and did not mean defender Anel Ahmedhodzic then had to lose Burn’s run.

Botman was next to punish that non-existent marking when glancing in from Tripper’s free-kick for his first Newcastle goal on his 50th appearance. The Blades argued that the deadball – awarded for Jack Robinson’s challenge on Longstaff – was unjust. You may be able to make tackles of such excessive force in the Championship, but not in the Premier League. Still, it did not spare Attwell at the break.

Kieran Trippier recorded his third assist when setting up Callum Wilson’s header on 56 minutes

Blades player Tom Davies inadvertently sent Alexander Isak clear for the Magpies’ eighth goal 

Eddie Howe oversaw that his Newcastle team had no issues with Champions League hangover

Come full-time, however, memory of any apparent injustice was well and truly wiped. By now, the home crowd – what was left of it – had realised that those in red and white were most inept.

There were five more Newcastle goals in the second half. Trippier recorded his third assist when dropping delightfully onto the brow of Callum Wilson to head in on 56 minutes. Gordon got the goal he deserved five minutes later, escaping the negligent resistance of Ahmedhodzic before locating the bottom corner from 20 yards.

It was 6-0 on 68 minutes as Miguel Almiron swapped passes with Bruno Guimaraes and ran free to slot his first of the season. And Guimaraes lifted a goal of his own from close range on 73 minutes.

Finally, Isak skipped into the penalty area, stepped around Robinson and rolled beyond Wes Foderingham without breaking sweat. The assist? That would be Sheffield’s Tom Davies, who had sent Isak clear. It just about summed up their sorry showing.